Goddess for a Day

Goddess for a Day

I was talking to a very lovely lady on a Skype call the other day (one of the total surprises I got from being on her mailing list by the way..) and we were talking Goddesses.

I could almost hear the squeals of delight as my own Goddess amulets started partying in the velvet bag at the thought of coming out and sharing their wisdom, with me and with you!!!

So first Sacred moment, deep breath, and the Labrys Goddess appeared.  She carries the symbol of the doubled bladed axe of the Amazon tribes of Asia, North Africa, Anatolia and the area around the Black Sea.  These tribes were of women who lived together, celebrating the feminine in all her aspects and fought to preserve their culture against invading forces.

Recently I’ve been aware of a sense of this fighting force that innate warriors tend to use, and it’s a theme I feel strangely uncomfortable with.

In certain tantric practices and rituals there are these similar fighting forces, which I try my best not to visualise.  I love chod practice, the practice for offering of the body, of slicing through the ego by making offerings of what we find most precious to us. The point being to help diminish the sense of clinging we have to our version of reality.

In this goddess I can see that maybe, like it or not, I have old fighting imprints which have caused me suffering in the past and am reluctant to embody this warrior aspect again.  So instead of cutting away what I don’t need I’ve been inadvertently cutting away the source of what I need to accept.

It brought me back to the time in my life when I was separating from my husband and the family was falling apart.  I had to fight a custody battle early on, the court case was set and it was a date that was impossible for me to make.  No choice but to stay home, hundreds of miles away, leaving the whole process in the hands of my lawyer who needed to state my case – without very much knowledge of me personally or my family situation.  My own battle was on the inside, letting go.  I’d said my prayers and pleaded to all the unseen ones who I hoped could hear me to come up with the best result for us all.  I put the radio on.  ‘When I find myself in times of trouble …. mother Mary comes to me … ‘ I could still cry now at the memory of that moment when I dropped to my knees in surrender and just tried to ‘Let it Be’.

Now I think of it, my battle then was just this one, fighting off the invading patriarchal forces. Not because my husband was particularly patriarchal, it was more that I had the opportunity to raise my drawbridge and create a safe goddess home for my scared heart, knowing that the journey would only just be beginning for us all as we untied and broke apart the family life we’d known up to then before creating new lives for ourselves in new places.

There have been many times in my life when I’ve lost my trust. My trust in myself because of my seeming limitations, and my trust in others, and in what I don’t understand,  about those times when things seem crazily and ‘unjustly’ wrong for me or for those around me. I could feel it happening again.

This Goddess is about trust, trust in the process, trust in the truth of our own experience.  When ever we don’t know what to do, if we think we can, if we believe we can’t, in the end we will do something, even if that something feels like not doing anything at all. And that will be our experience. And when we arrive at that place in time again, we will have something to pull on, to guide us, from inside ourselves. And this experience is what we can share. Our experience will touch someone, just at that very moment when they’re losing faith and need a hand to lift them up.

Each decision we make makes the difference.

Nancy Blair, in her Amulets of the Goddess book says ‘You know that your decisions, not your conditions, shape your destiny’.

 

Sometimes I wonder if the reason we have these hard and painful experiences is not because we’re bad and have somehow got bad karma, but because this is our path, and everything we don’t yet know how to handle comes because we’re still training in our chosen life subject.