My Neptune line and the Introvert’s paradise.

My Neptune line and the Introvert’s paradise.

These days I’ve been hitting confusion level about ‘What I do’.  I’ve written and re-written my Who I am, About me pages so many times.  I got really stuck when it came to the Work with Me page .. no idea how to define my product or service.  My new work and WordPress mentor, Nicola Warwick, who’s particularly gifted in helping find the essence in how we present ourselves on line, posted something about Introverts in our Caboodle group.  I’ve long since assumed I was an extrovert, I did the on-line quizzes and tests and always came out with an E in the four lettered result.  So I was really surprised to find how much I resonated with her findings on what it means to be an introvert, particularly when you work for yourself and have to find customers, create business, feed networks, all that kind of thing.

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I was stuck.  I was mistaking resistance with just having not identified the needs of the introvert, and the inner creative part of me was not really being heard.  I’ve been trying to ‘define myself’ and was getting further and further from the goal. Now, I’ve been gently reminded why I have chosen to be right where I am, at home, working for and by myself.

I can see from the last few days of activity that I’m gathering together all my notebooks, making soothing displays in my studio of what I want around me to work with.  I had wondered if the reason why I seemed to be getting nowhere fast was because  I wasn’t properly organised. I’ve been looking at some de-cluttering sites, seeing images of beautifully tidy desks neatly arranged, clean and white. But my heart sunk!  I quite like my clutter, mine is the clutter that brings colour to my world. I love to see my desk and my work sofa covered in masses of papers and bags and journals.  It can only come from Neptune planet, I imagine, as most of the others are way too practical and sensible for that.

There’s so much ‘positive thinking’ talk about resistance, and fear and being afraid to jump.  I’ve been there, I’ve jumped, I’ve overcome my fears, time and time again.  So I couldn’t quite get the big picture on what was stalling each time I moved from step b to step c in the planning process.  The way the introvert does business is the closest thing to a contradiction in itself that I’ve seen in a long time. Relief.

I’d been waiting until the start of the Chinese new year to move my bed again.  In the flying star Feng Shui school all the advice this year has been not to sleep with heads pointing towards the Grand Duke, which for me is the only accessible good direction in the house where I live.  So I’ve been heading somewhere else, and not really any other option but to be sleeping on my Saturn line.  During the trudge through the dark woods it was Saturn’s endurance and determination that I needed. It’s just sometimes the point that we have to work through the difficult stuff, so I hung on in there.  I was going to hang on one more week before going Feng shui good direction and getting off the Saturn line.

I listened to a radio interview with Danielle LaPorte recently.  Talking about goals with soul, something for right now, she said,  “You can’t endure your way to happiness, you can’t suffer your way to joy”.  Pearls of Wisdom that filtered through to my ears yesterday. The message was clear, no more need to struggle.  This morning I moved my bed.  I’m back sleeping in my inspirational, dreamy, colourful, soulful Neptune world.